How To Win Friends & Influence Officemates

I owe you a big update. I announce a month ago that I have a new job and then the only thing that I post is about vacuum cleaners. Lame, I know.

Sometimes there's just too much to say and too little time to say it. And besides, when I'm stressed I post about random things that don't matter. Like how I love looking at the dirt bin of a vacuum cleaner. It's my comfort post.

Things have been going great at the new job, but very very busy. I am heading up our company's marketing and am, in fact, our only marketing employee. I'm hoping to change that in the future, but for now I'm it!

I've discovered a few universal truths to making friends in any new office environment:

1. When trying to make friends with other women in the office, bring up the thermostat. Not much in common to talk about? "Geez, it's cold in here. Wish I would've brought my snuggie." Bam and you're in. Women unite around a good complaint about the office temperature.




2. Chocolate is a universal language. I have strategically placed a bowl of Hershey's chocolate kisses right by the door to my office. They have no choice but to come in and say hello to the new employee. If Pavlov would've used chocolate in his experiments, he would have had faster results. Oh wait, he used dogs. Nevermind then, scratch that - he was using meat.




3. Drop a few comments about having dogs here and there to see who bites. If there are a few dog lovers in the house, you're automatically cool. At least with the dog people. Note - do not bring up Pavlovian experiments using chocolate. This will not fair well with dog lovers and you will be looked at with a wary eye for the rest of your tenure.




4. Put a brightly colored exotic plant on your desk. There's a little bit of hummingbird in all of us. People will come by to admire it the first day and as in my case, thereafter, to slowly watch it's demise and offer helpful tips about how to possibly nurse it back to health.




5. Wear brightly colored clothes. See previous tip regarding hummingbirds.

Now that you have these tips in your back pocket, go make friends with your officemates. I promise the world of successful scissor and hole puncher borrowing will open up to you!